The Aftermath Of Ex Boyfriends and Girlfriends
Sometimes, (depending on the situation) having and ex boyfriend/girlfriend could be a problem because the relationship ends, but the memories remain.
Even if we want to forget about it, those memories come back involuntary. They are unpredictable enough to appear years after the relationship is over in a time when we have a different partner and believe that we have completely “forgotten” about the other.
People have even confessed about dreams (and nightmares) with their ex boyfriend/girlfriend after being with their husband/wife. These memories become a type of ghost that follows them throughout their days.
Many will wonder why, but that is the way human psychology is designed. All of our experiences from the past are recorded in our mind consciously or subconsciously.
But when we speak about relationships, we are not talking about any type of experience. We are talking about emotional experiences that have affected us deep.
And speaking of deep, there is no other experience in life that can possible leave a more deeper, profound and life changing effect in a human being than having an intimate relationship with someone we love.
But even more powerful is an experience that goes beyond the limits: sex.
Premarital sex is considered by many something completely normal, however, the effects that it is capable of producing are so drastic, that not even a divorce can be compared to it.
Imagine the case of two teenagers, a boy and girl who become neighbors. They get to know each other and with time, they form a intimate relationship. Months go by and they start spending night’s alone at her house were things become more and more physical as many other nights go by.
Soon, they get to the point were their intimacy reaches it’s highest level and sleep together one night while their parents are away.
A couple of months later, school starts and the girl meets another guy. They become such good friends that he starts visiting her house.
The other boy does not know about this new friend until he sees them kissing one day from his next door window.
He breaks up with her and the girl stays with her new boyfriend. Now the visits at night are done by him.
As the boy watches these visits night after night from across the street, he imagines every little detail he experienced with her, but being done with her new boyfriend.
He also realizes that when her parents leave, the new boyfriend comes over to sleep with her just like he did.
The boy suffers from extreme emotional pain, and is taken to a psychologist because he is unable to study, eat, nor sleep.
Years later, he can still remember the emotional impact that this experience has made in him and his life…
This is a fact: A sexual experience has the potential to leave life long marks on anyone.
Much of the above is what you are not told in blogs, books, novels, movies, TV, radio, the Internet, and Hollywood were everybody lives “happily ever after” in the end.
Nor do they ask themselves the following questions:
Why is it that nobody speaks about the psychological effects that premarital sex can have?
Can’t people see that it has to do with our personal feelings, emotions and integrity?
Why is it that the topic of sex is always something to laugh about?
All this can be answered with another question:
Why do people follow their heart (which does not think) instead of their head (which does think)?
Unfortunately, we do see a lot of the following:
“I hate my ex boyfriend/girlfriend”
“Revenge for cheating ex boyfriends/girlfriends”
“Signs your ex still loves you”
“Getting even with an ex”
“Letters to ex boyfriends/girlfriends”
“Making your ex jealous”
All this and no explanation of how they got in that situation in the first place.
The reason premarital sex is risky is because it takes relationships to its highest level, but not to its highest commitment.
In a romantic relationship, there is no bigger deception than an infidelity and in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, this can happen at any time.
Now how will the boy, in the example above, explain his experience to his wife? Will she accept his reality?
Sexual fidelity is suppose to start before marriage, and stay within marriage. If it is broken in either cases, it can have long or short term consequences sooner or later.
In conclusion, “Relationships are similar to a crystal glass. If it falls with hard impact, it will be broken into a thousand pieces…” (100QBM eBook) and the effects are for life.
“The higher a relationship went, the harder the fall, the bigger the ‘emotional baggage’, the longer it will take to overcome it, and yes indeed this will be a topic that you might touch with your permanent partner at some point of the rest of your life.” (100QBM eBook)
To keep it simple, courtship, relationships and sex are delicate. We must be responsible with them from the very beginning so we don’t have a delusional end.
Note: This post was not meant to make anybody feel guilty of their own experience or past, but to help them open their eyes to avoid similar problems in the present and future. To help them realize a reality that others don’t. To help them become a different, unique and better person.
Take advantage of our 100 Questions Before Marriage sample eBook for free, or you can get the famous relationship book written by Michael Webb, 1000 Questions For Couples