100QBM.com Blog

Early Responses in Children to Parents Divorcing

Divorce is extremely upsetting for any age group of children. Most children are not ready for the divorce their parents are about to go through.

A 1980 study discovered that not even ten percent of the children received help from adults outside the structure of the family during the initial part of the process for divorce.

Children feel the pain as they lose the parent who does not have custody and this leaves them feeling quite vulnerable.

Many times, children don’t know the marriage of their parents is having problems. The children can even be angry about the family being disrupted in this way.

Many stressful situations happen to children throughout their lives, for most of these adults look into getting counseling for the children.

However when it comes to divorce adults are either unwilling or do not understand that the children need help to cope with this too.

Developmental Issues with Children

Children can have different issues depending on the age group. Certain issues the children have in common within their age groups.

Ages 3 to 5 can see the children regress in their development. Restless sleep patterns and episodes of fear at being separated from the parent with custody can be exhibited too. Missing the non-custodial parent constantly can also happen.

Ages 6 ½ to 8 usually openly mourn the parent that has departed from the scene due to divorce. This age group can fantasize about their parents getting back together. They have a hard time realizing that the divorce is final.

Ages 8 to 11 tend to feel angry and having no power to handle the situation. They too mourn the family as it once was. This age group can also consider one parent bad and the other one good and try to take care of the parent ignoring their needs.

Ages 12 to 18 can have a variety of feelings from depression to violent actions to suicidal ideas. This age group can be judgmental on the divorce issue. These teens can also develop doubt over what their romantic relationships will be like in the future.

But this age group can comprehend more about what is going on and therefore have more compassion for their parents.

How Divorce Affects the Child-Parent Relationship

Many times the custodial parent goes through a transition period that can involve being a somewhat disjointed parent. This can lead to poor parenting as they try to get their lives together. Many times, the children wind up in the caregiver position with the parent, trying to make sure the parent does not get depressed.

The Result of Paternal Involvement with the Children Post Divorce

Paternal involvement or lack of it does not severely impact the children according to studies. Their grades and behavior stay about the same. But these studies have many limitations such as low paternal contact for one with children. This does show that increasing paternal contact may not always have more positive results. More steady contact all along is probably the ultimate answer.

Long-term Results

The results for the long term depends on how well adjusted children are after the divorce. This includes how good the child-parent relationship is too. Children can go on into adulthood with fears and anxieties over their love or marital relationships possibly not working out.

As mentioned on a previous post: “The average dating time will depend on every relationship. This can range from months to years, but it cannot be the same amount of time for everyone because each relationship is different.”.

“You cannot take a month’s time frame, to consider a decision of a life time. In fact, a year is still not enough time to make a choice that is going to affect you for the rest of your life, and in every aspect of your life.”

“…this will depend on when you both agree and have clear the responsibilities that both have to face.”

Marriage is a synonym of permanent.  It’s suppose to be with one person for life.

Unfortunately, modern culture has change its meaning because they have devalued its purpose. We see people getting married in a few months and end up divorcing in a few years when marriage is suppose to be till death.

When we look at marriage from its realistic point of view, it’s suppose to be the most important relationship in the life of a human being. It means for husband and wife to become best friends. It means to share your most deepest and intimate moments with who you love for as long as you live.

Marriage means to give your life to another person. For two to become one.

A decision of this magnitude must be considered and reconsidered before taking action. “Because once in marriage, the only way out is either through death or divorce, and both are hard choices that leave terrible scars.” (100QBM eBook). And the scars that divorce and death are capable of producing are literally life changing.

Marriage means to take a relationship to it’s the highest level possible without looking back. That is why the average dating length before marriage must be well considered.

However, the average dating length within courtship is not the only factor that must be taken into account.

The other factors are:

How much trust there exist in the relationship
The health of the relationship itself
The maturity of both partners
Economic possibilities
The approval of family members

So as you can see, it is not only about the average dating time to wait before proposal. It’s about when the right conditions are met to take things to the highest level. And that is what a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship helps us discover.

Get your free copy of the 100 Questions Before Marriage sample eBook to read more about dating, engagement and other topics. You can also ask questions to your partner by getting the famous book written by Michael Webb: 1000 Questions For Couples.

So many books, so many magazines. So many wasted sheets of paper to explain something that not even their authors completely understand.

So many websites, so many blogs. So many wasted bytes of data with misleading information.

So much music, so many movies. So much entertainment leaving people blind with a false concept.

As it is mentioned in the biblical quote:

“…If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.” (Matthew 15:14  NIV])

And much of society has fallen into a pit because of what music, entertainment and modern culture has lead them to believe about love, sex and relationships.

Proof that modern culture is blind to these topics are their own results. We see their high divorce rates, continuous affairs, multiple scandals, sex tapes, and many broken relationships within their own society.

If the majority of those famous artist who speak about love, sex and relationships have the right concept, then they shouldn’t have so many problems with them.

Sadly, many people who listen to their music and view their media actually believe what they have to say, and end up with similar results.

Not to mention that those artist have the potential to reach a wide audience through the power of the media and their entertainment. Along with their misleading facts, they are capable of forming an epidemic of false ideas that spreads like a virus contaminating the minds many people.

The reason why this problem exist has to do a lot with ambitious monetary gain and the fact that the authors who produce such works, know less about love than the people who are being entertained.

Or more simply: they do not know what real love means and produce entertainment that people like mainly because of money.

And as a result, the people who listen to their music and watch their media are greatly influenced by their false information and usually take action according to what they learn from it.

Love and sex are the most controversial topics that modern society promotes and yet, are the least understood because of what is mentioned above.

To modern culture, love is what you feel; it is attraction and chemistry. Its means to follow your heart.

To modern culture, sex is an expression of love.

Or more simply: love is sex and sex is love. Both are promoted as one.

A good example of a common expression is the term “making love” which is logically something impossible to do.

Why sex cannot be expressed as “making love”?

Because “Love is not sex between to people, love is eternal friendship between two people.

Love is not made, it is born.

Love grows with time, not when you have a sexual intercourse with someone and it magically appears.” (100QBM eBook)

In conclusion: all this leads us to understand that people have the wrong perception of relationships and they actually believe what the media has to say about it.

If that was not the case, society would not have so many troubled relationships and we would start seeing divorce rates go down instead of going up.

Download your free copy of the 100 Questions Before Marriage sample eBook to understand more about what society and modern culture does not. Or you can get a copy of 1000 Questions For Couples.