How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Monday, March 7th, 2011Now that you’ve done your time listening to sad songs and have literally blown through all the tissues in the Kleenex box, it’s time to start working on getting you and your boyfriend back together. But before you begin, I strongly recommend that you do a pros and cons list. Are you truly meant to be with your ex, or are you just planting a body in the space next to yours because you hate being alone? Because the only thing worse than being single and lonely is being in a relationship: And lonely. If you don’t have to go there, don’t. If you really feel you are meant to be with your ex-boyfriend for some portion of the foreseeable future, then keep reading.
Men are better at walking away from relationships than women are in many cases. So if ending it was his idea, you may have an uphill fight on your hands. However, relationships have a certain ebb and flow, and this one might just be taking a little break (even if one or both of you said “it’s over”.)
I’m going to make some suggestions on how to proceed, but it was your relationship and that was your guy. Feel free to dismiss any thoughts or ideas that don’t fit your particular interaction.
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back:
1. Give him some time By some I mean 2-4 weeks or more depending on your situation. When a break-up occurs, people need space. Even if he loves and misses you madly, if you come back from a place of strength, it will look like anger. If you come from a non-confrontational place, he may view you as needy, or weak. None of these perceptions is true, so that’s why he needs time. Right now, his emotions are clouding how he sees things.
2. Decide what you want from him There was a time, not so very long ago, that women wanted to get married and men didn’t. Not everybody, but enough people that it was a pretty solid generality. This is no longer the case. You need to decide if you want a ‘friend with benefits’ setup, a monogamous relationship, casual dating, etc. Don’t assume you have to pick up where you left off. Obviously, where you left off wasn’t working. So you need to do some hard thinking. How much are you willing to offer or accept?
3. Request a face-to-face meeting He should be mature enough to grant you this wish. If he’s not, ask him to honor what you had. One request. It’s simple enough. If he grants it, great. If not, you need to make peace with the fact that it’s over.
4. Meet in a place that has special meaning to you two as a couple This date is going to be about reminding him what was right about you two. You set the date, you set the tone. Wear his favorite everything, from hairstyle to heels and perfume to lipstick shade.
5. Be the woman he fell in love with Don’t make this all about getting back together. Enjoy yourself. Talk, laugh – have fun. Look at him like your eyes have been starved for the sight of his face. Have a couple of drinks, and just talk. You two were best friends, for a time. If he’s digging in his heels, there’s a pretty good chance he’s fighting the fact that he still has feelings for you.
6. Know your subject matter Let the evening carry the conversation, but when it’s time to broach the possibility of getting back together, you better already know exactly what you want to say. Consider your words carefully, because you better believe he will. Let him know you have been thinking about what went wrong. Ask him his perceptions. Hear him out. Don’t blow him off, tell him he was wrong, or in any way attempt to defend yourself. If he gets abusive about it, just look him in the eye and calmly say in a regulated tone of voice. “That’s not fair.” Because using the truth to cause someone pain isn’t fair.
7. Give him more time Don’t ask for or demand an immediate answer. If you get one, great. But don’t leap to the worst case scenario if he asks for time to think. He can have all the time in the world. You’ll just be off living your life. And then do it. This isn’t a control gambit, this is a statement of truth. You have your whole life ahead of you. Life is too short to pine after an ex.
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